Considering all the things that had happened in my life, if you remove
God from the equation I was pretty doomed. Most women in similar
situations end up in a life of promiscuity or alcohol/drug abuse to cope
with the damage that has been done. But God had different plans. In
the face of all of this brokenness, there have been stages of healing,
and God's fingerprints were all over each one of them.
The first stage of healing from the initial incest was in 1986 when I
was living with a friend, a couple of years before I met my husband. My
lack of boundaries was causing issues between us so she called me on
it, and I told her that I had been molested by my brother. That was the
first time I had ever told anyone. She prayed for me and we talked,
and over that weekend God did a significant realignment of my
boundaries; looking back, I see it as a kind of Band-Aid, to get me
through the current stage of life.
Second was through a YWAM
video on dating and relationships that I saw; that video changed my life
and prepared me for meeting my hubby and marrying him (without freaking
out and sabotaging God’s plans for me).
Third was my dear
husband himself! :) I can’t tell you how much his love for me and
acceptance of me meant… like a gallon of cold water to someone dying of
thirst.
Fourth was a counsellor I saw briefly in 1993. I had
an issue in which a co-worker inadvertently crossed my boundaries and it
really threw me for a loop. He was a very warm friendly guy, maybe 15 years older than me or so. A group of us usually went for lunch together, at a nearby restaurant that we all walked to, but one day he asked just me to go for lunch. He took me in his car to a different restaurant than usual and he
unloaded on me about some marital issues he and his wife were having.
However, I couldn't handle that; I felt that he and I had engaged in an
emotional affair. I was not able to understand why I was feeling like
this, and I certainly didn't want to have any type of an affair -
emotional or otherwise!! I ended up seeing a social worker briefly for
that. Because it was related/foundational, we did some work around the
incest. This was another Band-Aid, but very helpful at the time!
Fifth
was at an Ancient Paths seminar in early 2001. That was very
significant. I told the prayer counsellors I had been molested, and she
asked me to bring a particular incident to mind. I was able to see my
room as it was that night that my brother and his friend had come home
with evil plans afoot. The counsellor then asked me, “Where is Jesus?”
I suddenly saw Him there, in my room, kind of up in the corner above my
bookcase. He had seen EVERYTHING, and He was weeping; His heart was
broken over what had happened. This was life-changing for me. LIFE.
CHANGING.
I felt that I was ‘done’; that God had healed me of all
the effects of the abuse. However, I had issues and brokenness that I
wasn't even aware of yet. Before the foundation of the earth, God knew
the healing words He was going to need to speak into my heart about my
childhood and my youth. He was there, watching, waiting for the right
time… His time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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